Monday, February 4, 2008

Rejected! by eHarmony

Since Valentine's Day is coming up, I thought it'd be nice if we gave a little help to some people who might be having some trouble finding a special someone for the day that only comes once a year, just like every other day, except February 29th, which is really the most special day of all.

Name: Bobama
Age: 46
Height: Plenty tall, thank you
Race: Black. mostly.

Likes: Smiling, hardworking children; caramel apples; democracy; cocaine - just kidding!
Dislikes: Liars, cheaters, most of Texas (except any smiling, hardworking children), cocaine - for serious folks, you should never even try this stuff, always ask an adult.

Describe an ideal date: I get home from my good job that pays fair for who I am and what I do - an American who works hard. You're working part-time as a way to manage the kids and your career, in a compromise we agreed on while planning our family and our lives, together. I tell you about my day as you put together a salad to go with the meal I picked up from Safeway on the way home. After a family meal, we put the kids to bed and watch a little Cinemax in our bedroom while doing some lines - kidding! I mean we do a little role-play and remember how fortunate and proud we are to be Americans, in a country where we can role-play about the government in our own bedrooms without fear of someone breaking down our door and arresting us for possession.




Name: CapitalHill Babe
Age: Technically dead.
Height: 5'4"
Race: So white I can sting you.

Likes: sensible suits, well-organized staff-meetings, laughing, people getting what they deserve.
Dislikes: Liars, cheaters, most of Texas (except for Kenny Rogers), spending more than 20 minutes on my hair.

Describe an ideal date: We meet at a trendy yet quiet Washington restaurant. I get the lamb and you order one of those chicken-pot-pie things, and we have a chocolate volcano cake for dessert. We split the check but you secretly put thousands of dollars in my purse when I get up to go to the women's room. We rendez-vous back at my hotel room several hours later and watch electoral returns while you massage my feet. I kick you out at 2am. No texting.

1 comment:

Erin P said...

and it's soooo true... nice pic of hirary too, about to eat that volcano cake???