Advice from Elisabeth and Erin

Question from J:
"i was supposed to hand out papers for work, but wasn't getting paid for it, so instead I stock-piled them in my room. Any idea for what to do with 100s of glossy fliers?"

Advice from Erin:
Might as well get artsy crafty and passive aggressive at the same time.
1. make a mixture of flour and water (1 part flour, 2 parts water) add some salt - to prevent mold (see below post)
2. cut the paper into strips
3. let the strips soak in the mixture for a few hours
4. in the meantime, crumple up remaining paper into the shape of a hand sticking up the middle finger (and this point, you'll need to decide if a giant bird-flipping hand or many smaller hands will best fit your needs.)
5. neatly cover the "hand" or "hands" in the gooey paper strips (stop for a moment, and think about how your house smells like preschool... nice!)
6. let dry, paint if you feel like it.
7. bring the hand/s to work.
or
keep them at home, as a nice quiet reassurance that you showed them, even if they have no idea.


Elisabeth's advice:
Elisabeth heartily concurs with Erin on this one, because the many tiny hands would also prove to be a good deterent to burglars and relatives and... anyone, really.

But maybe you want to enrich your life with these fliers?

Do you remember that home ec assignment where you carry around a bag of flour like it's a baby (your baby)? Make these fliers your new children. Carry them around, talk to them, and most importantly, show people photos of yourself and your offspring. Make sure to say things like, "well, I knew I was marrying the company, but I didn't know I was having its children! hah hah! Seriously, I love the little tykes.", "The best part is I don't have to pay for childcare, it's totally okay to bring them to work with me. Besides, I just love to show them off to you guys!"

It's good that you have 100s of glossy fliers, because they don't do well in the real world and you may find yourself having to "replace" your progeny regularly due to smudges, normal wear and tear, water stains, etc. You probably shouldn't tell people you do this, however, and you definitely should not give your children consecutive names, ie, Jennifer 1, Jennifer 2, Jennifer 3, etc. Also, if you currently smoke, you might want to stop.

Kitchen Excitement or How I Learned to Stop Worrying...

Mold is an interesting organism. For instance, did you know that even in a haphazardly-sealed plastic container, more than one type of mold can grow at the same time? “Wait!”you are thinking, “don’t the molds compete with each other, eliminating their competitors until one is crowned ‘Top Mold’?” No, it seems mold societies are more utopian and into sharing and all that. I have found several containers in the fridge which play host to not one, not two, not three, not even four, but five disgusting species of mold – each! And I don’t mean subspecies, either. I mean full-blown cannot-inter-mate species with different colors, sizes and textures, though they may taste the same for all I know.

Recently though, I had a really exciting discovery that turned everything I know about mold on its head, that is to say, it added to my knowledge significantly.
I decided to make hot chocolate, which I haven’t done in a while, so I got my plastic travel mug from the table and carried it over to the stove, then back to the table to mix it up. Then I picked it up and noticed that the bottom was covered in... honey?

My first thought, what with all the plastics scare lately, was oh no, did my cup melt by the stove? Am I poisoned? But no, it seemed fine in that regard and Poison Control assured me I was okay.

Second thought, did I spill honey somewhere? I do cook with honey every now and then, and my roommate uses maple syrup on his pancakes. I taste some of the dripping mixture. It’s like honey, but less sweet and not a very good flavor.

I look over to where the cup was originally sitting (for a few weeks) and see a big mess of this stuff. I move aside a bag a fruit to get a better look and see that it’s coming from the fruit. Specifically, the pear. More specifically, the rotting pear that has gone moldy, condensed into a thick syrup, eaten through the plastic bag, and spread all over the kitchen table. I alert my roommate (it’s his fruit).
“Oh,” he says, “I didn’t realize that pear was still here.”

Discussion Questions
1. “That” pear?
2. Where else would it be?
3. Who is going to clean this up?

He cleaned it up, but when I went to check this morning, I found out that rotting pear syrup will stain a plastic table. Remember, it ate through the plastic!!

Which witch witches?