FAQs and Banana Yoshimoto

Have you read Yoshimoto Banana’s FAQs on her website? You should (copyright Yoshimoto).
In the meantime, I have made some FAQs to my own life, inspired by her extremely realistic answers. Erin? Anyone else?

Name: Elisabeth Teeth: 32

Q. Do you have any pets?
A. I don’t per se, but I consider the children of the world my pets.

Q. What is your favorite 200 C.E. novel?
A. The Golden Ass.

Q. This next question has two parts: 1) Do you mean to deny Lady Murasaki’s long-touted claim to the world’s first novel with The Tale of Genji? and 2) Is that porn?
A. 1) Yes. 2) Kind of.

Q. Sometimes I can’t tell if you’re angry at me.
A. It’s there though.

Q. I borrowed something from you and I lost it. Should I tell you, or just buy a new one?
A. You should tell me; maybe I don’t like that thing very much and I would prefer you buy me something else, or nothing.

Q. Do you have any tattoos?
A. I have one of the Director General of the Mexican Consulate, L.A., on my left shoulder, and one of a Russian Spy Satellite on my heel.

Q. What’s this about a Russian Spy Satellite?
A. Is no Russian Spy Satellite. Definitely not reassigned to nice location near Starbucks so can get latte while you get comfortable - or no get comfortable, but is nicer to get comfortable, yes?

Q. Can you tell me a joke?
A. What side of a church does a tree grow on?
The outside.

Q. Can you please send me your resume and I’ll keep in on file.
A. Of course.