PB&J for the planet

Okay, granted this isn't so much humor, but it's interesting, and as an American who frequently defends her country's national cuisine, I felt the need to post it: PB&J Campaign

What they're advocating is that people eat pb&j sandwiches (ie, plant-based meals) to reduce pollution, save resources, etc. Basically, what they're promoting is veganism*, but in a far less scary packaging (unless you think carbon footprints are scary).

Personally, I can't wait until the first pseudo-reports come out that eating nothing but pb&j puts Americans at a "serious dietary health risk."

* veganism is freakin' awesome.

Bringing Sexy Back... to the G8 Summit

No matter the size or nature of the event or organization, Japan has an intrinsic burning need to indiscriminately produce promotional goods (that will be 16 cents please, unless you want it for free from babelfish, in which case please enjoy "Commemoration commodity") And when I say burning, I mean BURNING. For example, why not celebrate your alma mater with "Meiji University Individually Wrapped Waffles" and nothing says "please for the love of good, visit Hokkaido" like "green algae in the shape of a person, wearing a jumpsuit, with a big round bulging crotch" (note that this later spawned: potato w/jumpsuite&crotch bulge, algae wearing bear costume w/crotch buldge, and about 50 other related characters)

Anyway, as the G8 Summit approaches, the goods are starting to come out:


First we have a nice little wash cloth (same design also avalible on a small note pad)

a few things to note:
1. George Bush is very much cross-eyed.
2. Putin is giving Fukuda quite the admiring look.
3. France, Germany, Italy and England are saying "ii yuu da yo" losely translated as "the water is fine" (18 cents, or you get:　"good hot water shelf") -- ii yu (the good water part) sounds like E.U.

.

Next we have this lovely Letter Set.

Forget about global issues, fhe G8 is all about:
1. getting naked
2. getting in a line
and
3. washing eachother.

seriously? Didn't anyone think "maybe we shouldn't promote this major world event with a panaramic view of naked world leaders washing eachother?"

no... instead they thought....."hmm, we probably just need to throw a few animals into the mix."

This Season’s Fashions – Shockingly Hard to Wear

This season is all about fresh, new starts, and the styles coming from our top designers, some of them former drug addicts and many current drug addicts, reflect that like a frozen lake. The colors are obscure, from inconsistently-blended lots that you’ve certainly never seen before. The lines defy symmetry and asymmetry to instead embrace an entirely new aesthetic one critic described as “crippled fawn.”
Designer Marc Lauren favors us with a spirited line of faux-polyester shirts and skirts ($75-$150) so intricate and complicated, you’ll be budgeting an extra 30 minutes when getting dressed (training class $50, Bloomingdales).
Lauren’s young protégée, Ralph Jacobs, offers a more casual looking, but no less spatially-demanding, line of partially unraveled knit separates ($35-$85). He first introduced the collection with models finishing rows on their own sweaters, bikinis and headbands on the catwalk (knitting how-to book, $40).
Calvin Westwood has chosen to focus his oeuvre on the color palette, and his striking amass of blouses inspired by the lifecycle of the Scottish artichoke is sure to be completely impossible to match with anything in your closet. Westwood originally showed the tops matched with flared pants dyed to evoke the Soviet Union in 1982, but fully acknowledged that his pairing doesn’t really work.
Vera McCartney, another color artiste with a more experimental flair, created her pieces using extracts of toxic chemicals and herbs, dyed to coordinate with the rashes and hives expected to bloom on her wearers. The 3-piece “Bee Sting Suit” ($675), in light lavender with delicate striped embroidery, is meant to be worn by women who break out in pinkish hives of 2-3mm in diameter (Allergy skin test plus asbestos screening, $150, at Macy’s Chemist Counter).
Every season the designers work hard to present a guiding theme in their work. This year, the proliferation of unmatchable, unwearable, and potentially lethal cloth-based items brings us one that is clear and striking: “Indifference: Much More Than the Opposite of Love.” (my hump my hump my hump)

I Drive These Readers Crazy....

I do it on the Daily
It has recently come to the attention of Pregnant Praying Mantis that
a. everything should have a "my humps" version,
and
b. "my humps" is a very very long song.
So this week Pregnant Praying Mantis will be reading "my humps" by the Black-eyed Peas.

Pregnant Praying Mantis rather enjoyed this read, and would like to offer Pregnant Praying Mantis' intelligent and innovative literary analysis. Pregnant Praying Mantis wishes to suggest that this reading is more that just a mere statement of "pretty human woman uses breast and buttocks to receive material goods" but rather a fine look into the humble yet noble life of a Pregnant Praying Mantis. If anyone knows how to read between the lines, it is Pregnant Praying Mantis. Fergie's usage of her assets to obtain attention and material goods, is a clear cut parallel to Pregnant Praying Mantis' finely tuned hunting skills. For example, Pregnant Praying Mantis recently spotted an attractive male mantis checking out these lovely mantis lumps, and Pregnant Praying Mantis (who at the time was just Regular Praying Mantis) got male mantis love drunk of these humps... however, rather than receiving a pair of jeans or a brand name bag, Pregnant Praying Mantis got a beautiful sack of adorable eggs and a nice full meal. Pregnant Praying Mantis thinks Fergie must admit defeat at this game. To analyze further, take for example the excerpt (male voice): "mix your milk with my cocoa puff" Pregnant Praying Mantis is sure that "milk" means "digestive stomach enzymes" and "cocoa puff" means "my head that you bit off while we were mating" Yes, beautiful lyrics. Also, it doesn't take a genius to note that "whacha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside that trunk" obviously means "what do you plan to do with all that egg sack, all that egg sack inside that swollen abdomen?" Well, Pregnant Praying Mantis will answer that burning questions "Ima get get get you interested in books, get you interested in books with Pregnant Praying Mantis Book Club"

Join Pregnant Praying Mantis Book Club next week when Pregnant Praying Mantis finds out whose milkshake brings all the potential mates to the yard.

Babelfish: Part 2 (My Humps Version)

Babelfish translation of a question posted on oshiete.com:

Being the ocean easy, such a tune rear end increase it is? With PV, wrapper of sexy white woman and black? The man had been present. As for those where it is impressive, "the my hip my hip my hip my hip" っ て the lyric of feeling repeatedly is to be in the lyric. So, perhaps it is not hip. Only such a thing being not to have remembered, it does, but the one which has per heart! Please teach. We ask!

And for $15, you get:

Does anyone happen to know this song? It's from the west.

In the video there is this sexy white chick with a black rapper(?). What really stuck with me was the lyrics: "my hip my hip my hip my hip" repeated over and over again. Although, it might not have been "hip" This is all I remember about the song but does anyone happen to know it? Please tell me! Please!

and in case you're wondering, there were three responses:

1. Hit me up

2. Hips don't lie

and finally:

3. My Hump

and if you read Japanese, there is a hilarious translation of "My Hump" at Ore no Kashi:

http://kashiwayaku.net/blackeyedpeas/myhumps.php

and in case you don't, here is an equally hilarious double translation, courtesy of Babelfish and the German language:

Which it gon ' with this whole Troedel? This whole Troedel within your trunk? I'ma received, received, received, received, you drunk, receive to you love drunk away from my Hump. My Hump, my Hump, my Hump, my Hump, my Hump, my Hump, my Hump, my Hump, my attractive small lumps (examination it out) I drives these brothers, who are moved, I does it on the daily paper, it treats me really friendly, it buys me to all these freezes.

(b. What you gon ' with all this refuse? All this refuse inside your trunk? I' my obtain, obtain, obtain, obtain, you drunk, obtain you to it love drunk in addition to my bump. My bump, my bump, my bump, my bump, my bump, my bump, my bump, my bump, my beautiful small pieces (control it outside) I lead these insane brothers, I do it on the newspaper, they treats me really well, they buys all those to me freezes)

........

Which it gon ' with this whole donkey? These whole donkeys within it Jeans? I am a mark, leave, leave, let you to Scream you Scream form, form you for Scream. Lettuce of my Hump (hectar), my Hump, my Hump, my Hump (which). My Hump, my Hump, my Hump (hectar)

........

mix your milk with my cocoa breath, milchiges, milchiges riiiiiiight.

Indeed. Control it outside! (sorry computer, you may tell my car where to go, and remind me to take my card out of the ATM, but you aren't taking my job anytime soon!)

Babelfish

Remember when you first found Babelfish Altavista translator and it was so much fun? Well, it's still fun.
Here's a love story between Makoto* and Junko that gets a bit... lost in translation:

"Being said that now being young, my own heart probably will not know, I was decided. We like you. Going wherever, I would like to keep doing in your side. Therefore favorite." With truth you confessed to her who can be made new.
"Sincerity! Such, without saying,! It is quick already." While with Junko producing the tear, you answered.

I like how it immediately involves the reader, like a Choose your own Adventure! story.

In case you're wondering, I would've done it more like this (and for $15):
"People may say we're young, and we don't know our own hearts, but I know. I love you. Wherever you go, I want to be by your side. Because I love you," confessed Makoto to his new girlfriend.
"Makoto! Don't say that! It's so soon," replied Junko while crying.

Anyone have any other fun examples in other languages?

Snickers X-Treme

I found these on a recent road trip to Champaign, Illinois.

I really, really, REALLY wanted to try one, but then I read the warning label:

Not suitable for pregnant women, children, or those sensitive to caffeine (paraphrased).

Is it possible to be in all 3 categories?

These bars have 60mg of caffeine, which is more than a soda and on the lower end of a cup of coffee.

"To meet consumer needs and help millions of Americans take back their energy-zapped afternoons, SNICKERS(R) Brand is proclaiming the post-lunch, pre-dinner hour between two and three p.m. the SNICKERS Charged(TM) Re-Power Hour."

A quick search on the web is not too enthused, but multiple blogs end with the musing that: it's cheaper than a cup of coffee.

I prefer, however, to get my caffeine from a "delicious pastry item":

"Some people get their caffeine buzz from soda, chocolate and other sources besides coffee," Dr. Bohannon said. "The Buzz Donut and the Buzzed Bagel lets them get the caffeine buzz by simply eating a delicious pastry item."

(Immediate opening available for Press Secretary to Dr. Bohannon)

http://www.typetive.com/candyblog/item/snickers_charged/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16827665/