'cept my hair is shorter now.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
The Japanese Version of the Office: Episode 3
me: those aren't red.
Fun on an Airplane
$299
Monday, November 26, 2007
The Japanese Version of the Office: Episode 2
Erin gets called to the med. room because a student who doesn't speak Japanese is really sick and is having trouble communicating with the doctor. A coworker goes along with Erin:
CW: wow, i've never done interpreting before...
Me: It's ok, I've done this at hospitals a bunch of times, we'll work together.
CW: (in english) are you pregnant? Me: what? no, no! (keeping in mind, I have lost 10 + pounds since she first met me)
We wait in the examination room for the student, he comes in and seriously looks like he is about to die. He is shivering and thrashing around and won't let the doctor open his coat to check his heart. (also, the room is barely heated) The doctor talks to us and doesn't look at me because he assumes I don't know Japanese.
Me: hey, I know it's cold in here, but he needs to check your heart.
Guy: he told me .........(shiver... groan).... influenza....
Me: well, he said he isn't sure and he wants to send you to a real hospital to get some xrays and blood tests.
Guy: but, i got a flu-shot.
Me: (repeating what doctor said) that doesn't protect you against everything, but for now, you need to go to the hospital across the street.
CW: (suddenly decides she is a cast member on House, and starts asking a bunch of questions on her own...) When did you start to feel this? What do you feel? How about your head? When did you get the flu-shot? (even though it had already been decided that the guy would be moving to a different hospital)
Me: um, I'll walk you to the hospital, do you have your insurance card and student ID?
Guy: Yes, i brought them.
Me: Ok, the doctor is writing you a referral letter and my coworker will bring it to the hospital when it is finished.
Guy: (shivering, convulsing...)
CW: Do you have your insurance and student idea with you?
Me: Yes, he does.
CW: ok, so you go to the hospital and I will bring the letter, to the hospital.
We go to the hospital, and stop for the guy to buy a hot drink. When we arrive, my coworker is already in the lobby (damn! fast!)
CW: someone should stay with him.
Me: well, i've done a lot of this kind of translation, for people with the same symptoms too.
CW: oh, but aren't you really busy... because tomorrow is your last day?
Me: not really
CW: but I think they want you in the office...
Me: um... sure... ok, call if you need help.
Some other highlights: (may not be from the same day)
1. An angry student who wasn't able to go on study abroad because the office messed up his paperwork (gave him the wrong stuff... due dates... etc)
student: this is a UNIVERSITY! how can this be so difficult!!!
(a bunch of yelling that I didn't understand)
Student stands up, takes a full swing and HITS the administrative boss.
2. my Japanese-English translations were "edited" before they went to print:
(my words, followed by edited version)
Department of Defense --------->Department of Defiance
Information will be posted on the event board -----------> Please confirm bulletin board
Public Servants --------------> Publish Servants
East Asian Policy ----------> Look East Policy
Revision to the Memorandum between X and X --------------> Revision Memorandum Revises
Agreement between X and X
Contact Person ---------> Window
3. I had to proof read the following phrases:
"Please exit through the door, Please exit through the dumpster on the door"
"Labor issue unified term today, including Over time work, Sexual harassment and foreign worker, is serious problem which reflect the present day" (what? serious? you expect me to edit that? do you not realise that I am a foreign worker?)
"Through today's communication, come into contact with various idea, everyone can get wide vision" "I welcome overyone being from Japan at the bottom of my heart"
4. PREGNANT PRAYING MANTIS
Let's assume that the series most popular character, pregnant praying mantis, is continuing to climb up and down the window in search of a place to lay her eggs. She is upset, because instead of getting maternity leave, she was actually fired from her job of teaching elementary students about the importance of insects. Also, her only lover and the father of her children has just died a horrible death... and she ate him. She slowly makes her way to the corner of the window, and prepares to lay her eggs, bringing her unsuspecting children into a world which will never meet their dreams... hmm.. "maybe I'll reread the Grapes of Wrath" she thinks.
LAST EPISODE!!! TOMORROW!!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
The Japanese Version of the Office: Episode 1
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Salty Caramel Latte!!!!!!!
The other good thing about tully's, is that they give away these fake coffees...... but if you're walking down the street, pretending to drink one, it looks real to people 2 blocks away... and then they get close enough to realize what is going on...... think you're really weird, and avoid eye contact. (however, this often happens event without a 2 D salty caramel latte!) You can also keep them in your bag, and then take them out randomly and say "yummmm i think it's time for a salty caramel latte!!"
Friday, November 16, 2007
I loved Tully's Coffee
That’s right, the glorious Soi Suwaakuru, a frosty concoction like a vanilla milkshake, but soy! With coffee! It was so good I always went out of my way to find a Tully’s and order it. If it wasn’t too late in the day – I don’t drink a lot of caffeine. And if I wasn’t feeling annoyed by the price tag - 350-yen for a small, a small! So, I probably ordered it 5 times total in 2 years. But I thought about ordering it at least three times that. Because it was soy, and not the “chicken-flavored soy hamburger” type of soy, but actual no-milk soy. How do I know?
I asked.
Actual Conversation:
Me: Hi, is the Soi Suwaakuru made with milk?
Staff (not an actor!): No.
Me: No milk?
Staff: No.
But, actually, looking back, that was probably the abridged conversation. The unabridged conversation probably would’ve gone along these lines:
Note: Product may be substituted for reader empathy.
Me: Hi, is the pizza made with milk?
Staff (professional actor): No.
Me: No milk?
Staff: No.
Me: You’re sure? No milk at all? None whatsoever?
Staff: None, I make it myself [wink to audience].
Me: In the pizza? Really? What’re the ingredients?
Staff: Flour, water, tomatoes, salt, oregano, and cheese.
Me: Cheese is a milk product. It’s made with milk.
Staff: Duh.
Me: So, the pizza is made with milk.
Staff: No, it’s made with cheese. You don’t make pizza with milk, you make it with cheese [taps finger on counter].
Me: Right, but, there is milk in the cheese, so that means it’s in the pizza, too.
Staff: Really, I wouldn’t call what we use in the kitchen ‘milk.’ I’d call it cheese.
Me: But the milk in the cheese doesn’t go anywhere! There’s milk in the pizza!
Staff: Well of course there’s milk in the pizza, it’s made with cheese [eyeroll].
Me: Isn’t that what I asked?
Staff: You asked if it was made with milk. I thought you wanted a ‘milk pizza’ or something!
Really, the Soi Suwaakuru was probably made with milk that had been separated to remove the water and add more milk in its place, thus making it technically ‘not milk.’
Cats and Your Community
Then I bought the company.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
On the Subject of Russian Spy Satellites
(this is what Russian Spy Satellite said to Fergie when she was performing with the Black Eyed Peas at Summer Sonic in Tokyo)
Sometimes it pays to evesdrop.
Tough Guy 1: This the #7?
Driver: Yeah.
TG1: Okay, I was just checking.
Driver: Yeah, it is, but I'm gonna make another loop downtown before I start on the route, so it'll be another 15 minutes or so.
TG1: Oh, that's okay.
Driver: Okay, I just thought you might be in a hurry or something.
Tough Guy 2: No, the only thing we're in a hurry for is to watch our soap opera- ESPN.
TG1: Did you just say soap operas?
TG2: No, I said ESPN. They got some great shows.
TG1: That's true.
TG2: ...So then she says, you come all the way down here to get your Bridge Card [food stamp program] and you don't even see your social worker? I mean, who does that? She's like, you get on your cell phone or you go to that payphone and you call them!
TG1: Okay, but if I'm on the Bridge Card, you really think I pay my cellphone bill?
TG2: Well yeah, but look at Marie...
TG1: ...I'm trying to get on this new program, you heard about it? It's the [couldn't catch it] program.
TG2: Yeah, I heard about that. It sounds good, but I don't think they allow coke addicts on it.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
neeeed good job...... please!?!?
that's right bitches, my cats LIKE wearing clothes!
erin
Saturday, November 10, 2007
And another thing about music
A bunch of not-amused dykes, is who.
Anyway, the song itself was a remix of Destiny Child's Independent Women combined with the chorus from Jackson's Billie Jean. So, that's a song about the joy and pride of being independent from any man, of making it on your own, matched up with a song about trapping a man to make him support you.
The unfortunate part is that I doubt the dj was doing it on purpose for some sort of cultural irony or even a "look how far we've come" progressive performance piece. I think he just liked the beats.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
And now a word from Madeleine Peyroux
"It's easy to leave
I just have to conceive,
Wherever you are,
You're still driving my car"
I can relate to this.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Things that Shouldn't Have Legs
First Post: In the form of a G-Chat conversation between Elisabeth and Erin
me: now?
Erin: umm.. crap
this is hard
me: so I was at target the other day
and the lady in front of me, with her husband, they bought some candy on sale for halloween, right?
it's 3 for $5
but they decide they don't want to buy it
so the cashier has to un-ring it up
so, she turns to the lady and says, "What's $5 divided by 3?"
and the lady is like, "dunno."
and then everyone just stands there.
for a whole minute.
Until I say, "$1.66"
Erin: ummm... don't cell phones have calculators anyway?
me: and the cashier says, "Yes! No, wait, that'd be $4.
no, yeah, okay, it's $5. You're right."
and the lady turns to me and says, "thanks."
Erin: what???
me: thank god I'm a math major, right?
what were they planning on doing if I hadn't been there?
Erin: probably stand for another minute and call a manager
me: they were just standing there, waiting for it to compute itself, magically?
you're probably right
Erin: personally, if I were there, I would have suggested that someone opens the candy, and everyone in line eats the candy
and then doesn't tell anyone
ever
me: "I need a basic math check on lane 5..."
then they wouldn't have had to do anything
Erin: "oh wait... never mind, we ate the candy... I mean, there was never any candy!! Why did I say this on the intercom?"
Erin: (by the way, intercom should not be confused with intercon, the version of the internet that only rich people know about)
me: no, with her luck, she probably isn't too good with the intercom, either
I think context helped us with that one
Erin: and probably hasn't even HEARD of the intercon
me: 56% of Target-employed Americans haven't
Erin: although the CEO of target is probably in the know
getting rich because people are embarrassed to go to walmart
me: he is rich, after all
I have special "going to walmart sunglasses" so people don't recognize me
they've got those flamingoes and palm trees on them. keeps the crowds away