Episode 3: Running with Scissors
So it's Erin's last day at the office. She arrives at work, and her supervisor (assume he is a likable version of dwight) is rushing around the office:
sup: Where are my scissors? Why do my scissor's keep dissappearing??? (he is holding a pair of black scissors)
CW: aren't those your scissors?
sup: No! My scissors are red! Why are these black scissors in my desk?? some one has been switching my scissors! I need my red scissors.
me: did you look in the scissors drawer (it's actually scissors, glue and exacto-knife drawer)
sup: yes! it's not in there! it's missing! my scissors is gone! why does my scissors keep getting switched????
(then a visitor comes, nice woman representing another university, and i translate the meeting) When I come back, the scissors situation is still in progress.
sup: (now holding several pairs of scissors) gaaaa!!! WHERE IS MY SCISSORS!?!?!?
me: do you think they were stolen?
sup: maybe... yeah! maybe! hey, look at these scissors. (the scissors were still in the package and were wrapped in a piece of paper that said "記念品"(commemorative item...)
me: those aren't red.
me: those aren't red.
sup: I know, someone gave these to me as a gift... a parting gift... when he quit.
me: that's a weird gift.
sup: what do you suppose it means... people don't usually give scissors as gifts.
me: yeah... seems a little dangerous in a way.
sup: yeah, like saying "i wanna cut you!" or something...
me: who gave it to you?
sup: the old boss, years ago.. when he quit. he gave everyone scissors... so he could quit politely.
me: doesn't sound so polite.. sounds like he's saying he wants to cut ties with everyone.
sup: yeah, don't ever contact me again!! I CUT all ties with you! (making a vicious cutting motion with the scissors)
Other subplots: (maybe from previous days)
1. while i am interpreting for him, the president says "yeah, she doesn't really speak japanese, she's just here cause she looks good"
2. i miss lunch time and my plans to have a delicious curry from the curry truck are ruined. Craving something warm, I go to the convinence store and get a hot shrimp macoroni gratin. well... apparently hot shrimp maccoroni gratin actually means "bowl of oil and cream with 2 shrimps and 5 pieces of maccorni.." or "oil sodium surprise"
3. i get some honey-lime-aid that has a crayon drawing of a girl about to make out with a lime on the bottle.
4. all the washrooms in the building are cleaned at the exact same time. which means, if you have to pee at 1:10... too bad.
5. i hate the word scissors... why does it have to be plural?
4. PREGNANT PRAYING MANTIS BOOK GROUP
After reading the Grapes of Wrath, the pregnant praying mantis commented that Rosasharn's husband was a heap of dung and that Rosasharn should have eaten him when she had the chance. I told her that her comment didn't really have anything to do with literary analysis, and she told me to fuck myself. Next week we will be reading "Of Mice and Men".... starring john malcovitch and gary sinise.
3 comments:
so, does your sup's job description include "look for scissors, causing maximum possible disruption to actual employees," and would it have been possible to put those scissors in a jello-mold? Too bad it was your last day!
I really enjoyed my time with the pregnant praying mantis. I hope her delivery goes well and all her children get into competitive preschools so she doesn't have to eat them.
I forgot to ask, did you take his scissors?
no.... however, at a children's party 4 days later, the magician was doing a "cut the rope" trick, and he pulled out... a pair of red scissors!! that WAS a good trick!!
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